i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
