then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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