I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
