I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
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I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
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well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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