Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
