the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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