Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
