Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
