i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
