yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Randomize
