just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
