We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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