she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize