So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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