i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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