so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
