he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
