It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
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