Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
