I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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