he thought i was a dude.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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