It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Randomize
