His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
