Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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