you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Randomize
