Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
