i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
