I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
