There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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