And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
