I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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