make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
