that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
