I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
