two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
