He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Couch. On fire.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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