i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Randomize
