I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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