Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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