Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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