saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
