At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
