you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize