Your dad touched me again.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
