Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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