Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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