Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
