Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
her facebook's as public as her vagina
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Randomize
