I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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