I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
being pregnant is like rehab
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
