At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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