We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
