its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
