you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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