Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
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