i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
