Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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