Me. At least after what I've been through.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
