i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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