remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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