And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
