Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
