Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
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