Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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