You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Randomize
